twenty-seven-ish

Hey all (two of you) (￣▽￣)ノ

It's taken me a long lazy while to write up another blog post...and aside from the semi-laziness, I think I get caught up in figuring out what I should write about, especially since a lot has happened since my last blog spree.

I guess I wanted to write about some things I've been thinking/feeling and what no better way than to type it outttttt.

So a few months ago (this originally said couple weeks ago but it's taken me this long to post it) I turned 27 ( o_o) and I thought it would be a good idea to reflect on some things I've learned/observed in the recent years. While there have been so SO many positive memories and opportunities and blessings, I still find myself looking back on not-so-positive-times, dwelling on them and wishing some things did/didn't change. A lot of it has to do with friendships I used to have, areas I used to be so heavily involved in, and sometimes I actually kind of miss the pace of life I had in college (aside from the homework and deadlines..) I just haven't taken the time to sit down and truly evaluate where my life is right now and maybe I don't because I feel like it might be overwhelming. Adulting (yes, #adulting) is an interesting semi-bummer right now. (Not just in those practical areas like managing time, paying rent/bills/loans, work, etc., but in goals and wanting to do things or go places) Anyway, I've been trying to stay in touch with my real passion (music) but I still neglect to practice when I have the time to and lately I've been so lame at keeping in touch with people, which effects me more than it normally would. And I've observed how unapproachable I might seem to people and how quiet, withdrawn and pretty awkward I am now, compared to how easy it was for me to be the opposite. I was loud, smiley, active, hyper, outgoing and enthusiastic and probably a lot more confident. Not saying that I'm not like that ever BUT it's gotten much harder for me to open up or be "approachable," with less of that resting face that I'm usually unaware of (hah). I'm also dwelling on how my health was a lot better back then and struggling to get back into it ( only to find myself getting quite bummed out and de-motivated sometimes). Is it normal to feel a bit out of place in your own life? Like not knowing where you fit in in a lot of areas? Insecurities man...they suck.

-______-. AM I JUST BEING DRAMATIC??

hahaa probably. This is why it's taken me a while to write a blog post...because I've been wanting to write about this, even if it's not as positive as my last posts. But since I can be verbally awkward and speaking my thoughts and ideas out loud never comes out the way I want, writing is the only way I can express it accurately and without feeling as self-conscious as I do.

BUT ( A BIG BUT)

on a more uplifting note, I can not be any more thankful for having people in my life right now that will always encourage me and be there for me, even in my sulking state (hehe sorryyy). For the times life makes it difficult to stop dwelling on those things, at least I have people to remind me to look forward and trust that He will definitely provide and open doors and make a way.

P.S. THO: I wasn't writing all of this to seem like a complainer (I'm not) but it's just being real about what's been weighing in my head. Don't worry all two of you, I know to take everything one step at a time and to stay motivated, which is hard to do sometimes.